Plans

My plan was to work in the salon , and then get to be a platform artist ( do hairshows and cool stuff ) and then work in theater or go on the road with a band or something cool.
I was 21 , I had a car , I had a cute place with a roommate that I didn't hate. I had friends that were fun.
But I didn't love my life. It was what it was , and I just figured as time went on I would figure out how to make it better.

Mike and I had been dating for a while. It was rocky at the best of times , but we had been really good friends and still had that bond. We didn't talk too much about the future , we didn't know what it would be .... So we just fought about the present. Both he and I had been told that we couldn't have children. So when you know that, you tend to be less careful with condoms and what not ( remember we'd been together for a while ) and if you can't have kids why would you be on the pill? That seems needless.
So then my doctor .... My doctor of 14 years tells me I'm pregnant. WTF?
Call it what you want , miracle , freak accident , whatever.... I was.
This was not in the plan.... Look up at the top and you'll see ... Not there. I was not one of those girls who had planned her whole life to be a wife and mother. Not that it was bad or wrong ... I had been told it wasn't in the cards for me. So now .... That all has to change?
Mike was thrilled . So that was something. I was in a state of shell shock. I couldn't function for the better part of 2 weeks. When it finally all settled in my head I was ...... Upset. And then guilty for being upset. What was I supposed to do? Give up my life , my plans ....... Or give up a new life for my plans. Well that was never an option to me , the fact that I was being given a chance by god or who ever, I wasn't going to mess with that.
And so I worked until I got too big ( and I got big). I was at home for about a month before she was born. That is not an experience I would like to do again. I got no pleasure out of being pregnant. I ate everything in site , had to pee every 10 minutes , oh my god the heartburn!!
But then she was born. And I kept waiting for someone to come and take her. It was surreal.
I had no idea how to dress a baby. I had no idea how to do anything. It was terrifying.
I did manage my way through. A lot of tearful phone calls to my mom. A lot of crying 'what do you want?" But she is alive and happy and stubborn and funny and gifted and beautiful.
And I wonder .. Would I feel like this if I had gone with my plan? Don't get me wrong , I don't think the world is all roses , but I get a lot more enjoyment out of life than I did.
I think she's taught me that. She doesn't care if we spend all day in our pj's, or if my hair is all wonky. She thinks I'm the prettiest and I give the best hugs. Somehow I don't think Bono would have been saying the same thing to me?

Laundry Service

Just in the interest of being clear let me fully explain what my life is.
I am in fact a 'stay at home mom' , I work part time at a salon as a receptionist , I am a girl guide leader ( sparks ), I am a taxi driver for the girls in tap class and I get to do the cooking and cleaning and laundry.
This is not my complaint. I understand that there were certain duties I took on when the decision was made for me to stay home. That's fine. It's not excatly what I pictured my life being.... but that's another story really
.
We rent half a house. Up and down, utilities included , big yard , garage. Really a good deal I feel. We share the washer and dryer with the other renters. Well that is the general idea.
I have a weeks worth of laundry to do in one day because I haven't been able to GET at the damn thing in a week. Now I am a reasonable person and I understand they have a baby and that makes a lot of laundry , but come on!!
I like to pretend I have a life....... I mean I have a life. My idea of fun IS NOT to have to be home to change over laundry. Just to clear that up. I also do not do any Ginger Rogers moves with the mop. I do blast the Sex Pistols when I clean....... But I'm very odd.

Happy valentines day

Every year on valentines day I've been sick.
This year is no exception. At least it's just a cold this year.

One year my boyfriend made me dinner. He spent all this time making this great pasta dish and grilled the foccacia bread and everything. I had one bite of bread had to run to the bathroom and throw up. He was like ' fine if that's what you think of my cooking then I won't do it again'. It's not that the food was bad, I just had the flu. The thing that sucks most about that is I can't eat foccacia bread anymore , the smell reminds me of getting sick. It's really terrible. I can't eat what I've seen in reverse. But that in itself is a whole other crazy thing.

Last year it was my wisdom teeth. I had just had them pulled a few days before and I got an infection and was on T3's and some other great codeine stuff. I couldn't chew anything. So we had romantic jello. Really not as exciting as it sounds. I was just trying to keep from falling asleep in it.

And now this year I have a cold, not just a couple of sniffles but a stupid runny nose and throat that makes me sound like Keith Richards. Wow that's sexy. Not that we are in much of a mood to cuddle , but you know what I mean. I have some great medicine , I'll be better in a couple of days, but it knocks me out. So there you go happy valentines day, I hope I don't drool on you.

I hope you have a better one than me. Eat lots of cinnamon hearts.