'Hope I hold a special place with the rest of them"

I was making plans. That's the thing that I'm having the hardest time dealing with right now. I was making plans, but I didn't tell him I was. So I guess I'm just as guilty as him for the not being honest. Somehow in my mind it just seems different. I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want him to think I was ... Well being such a girl. But I am a girl and I have those 'girl' feeling of wanting to be wanted and wanting to be made feel pretty and special and loved.
I digress.
The point being I was making plans, not like next week plans, but like want to spend a week together kind of plans. Plans that involved my daughter. Plans that just don't matter anymore huh?

I know I need to get over this. I realize I do. I guess I'm just sick of being a No Doubt song. ( 'Ex-girlfriend ' for those that don't know) And yes I guess, ' I kinda always knew I'd up his ex girlfriend'. None of that makes this any better or easier.

I gave him an out. Actually I gave him several. I told him, fully warned him what he was getting into. And he stayed. At least he stayed until he'd gotten what he wanted? I can only guess. I just know that if he had taken one of those outs , all this wouldn't hurt so much. I never would have got to the making plans stage. I would never have got to the three words road. I would never have got to the can't eat for three days because I'm to upset kind of nausea.

I was going down that road. You know THAT road. That road where three words are said. I really wish I could have neon signs to show me the roads not to go down. Ok God. That is what would be helpful.

So there we are. I'm a giant, guilty ,loser that no one will ever like, never mind want to be around. I didn't go to university so why would they, right?

The Answer Is Yes

My own reply to my own question, how lame is that really.
But just for the record the answer is yes. There was more intent than friendship. I should correct myself there is more intent than friendship. Didn't Bridget Jones say a mini weekend vacation was true love.... Or some thing to that effect.
I don't know if I have such a black and white idea of it, but yah sure, it's nice to be wanted. Who doesn't want to be wanted?
But my question now is .... is there such a thing as too nice?

What I'm struggling with at the moment is the idea and even the word 'nice'. Does it mean different things to different people? Am I just sooooo used to guys that are total dicks that I can't take nice at face value? I keep waiting for the agenda to come out. You know what does he 'really' want? We're not even getting into the issue of sex here. But to bring someone roses and you haven't even slept with them.... something seems fishy to me. And you know what he said.... you what nerve he had..... he said ..... he said..... he was having a shitty day and it made him feel better to make me happy. I mean really!! Who does that?!!!